Story : Diary Of A Broke Playboy – Episode 3

My father has always been like a trusted and performing government to me, not for any reason other than he pays my allowances as and at when do.

My alert came in at the last Friday of the month so i decided to flex it out the next Sunday. I invited my girl over. She told me she would be coming with a friend of hers.

Me: why naa, you want to add additional expenses on my head abi?

Chinaza: nooo, bae you know i won’t do anything like that.

Me: So why would you come with her? Abi you want to find me a 2nd girlfriend?

Chinaza: you must be silly, i’m here saying you are not even enough for me and you are talking about sharing.

Me: Biko stop, lets not start fighting on the phone because it is my airtime that you will be wasting.

Chinaza: Baby of course you know i don’t like fighting you on the phone, i will rather do it physically where i can beat sense into you.

I laughed

Me: so be serious jare, why would you be coming with someone extra.

Chinaza: Well, i’m bringing her for that your poke noser of a friend, james who keeps following you around. At least she will keep him busy, while i will have you to my self alone.

Me: Hahahaha, ok naa. I hope she is not a glutton or we will split the bill o.

Chinaza: stingy boy, as if we don’t split the bills before.

Me: You better look cuter than her or I’m going to hand you over to James and rock her.

Chinaza: And you better have enough money on you or I will be bringing my 2nd boyfriend along.

crazy girl

Sunday came, by 2pm i was already out of the house with my usual culprit, James. We were headed for an open air restaurant. I called my babe, she was still taking her bath. Good news for us. We decided to sample the available girls.

My eyes caught one pretty looking girl. She was seated alone. I quickly dropped James and walked to her.

“Hmmm, i think its something to find out that I’m not the only one without company” i said pulling a seat and joining her table.

She looked at me and smiled and faced her phone again. “even though i’m already seated, i’m still going to ask, can i join you?

“Umm, i guess yes” she said smiling at me. We got talking. Her name was sandra, she was waiting for a friend of hers. I decided should her friend come, to invite James over. I needed to know this girl.

My phone vibrated. I took a look and it was James. I stared in his direction. He was already on his second bottle of Heineken and was flashing his teeth at me.

I opened my whatsapp and texted him.

“Guy i hope those two bottles are not on my account o”

“Before nko, na your papa carry me come here?” he replied

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I just sent him hmmm and focused back on my new friend. I ordered ordered two bottles of smirnoff for her and two bottles of Heineken for me. I cannot be buying Heineken for James and be drinking Malt. Its my money after all.

We were still talking before my phone rang again, i looked and it was James. I looked at him again and he was on his 3rd bottle. He was asking me to come over. I eyed him and continued my convo.

He walked up to me, said hello to the girl and faced me.

“Guy, the door dy crowded o”

I looked at the door and my girl was there. She didn’t see me, thank God. She was focused on her phone.

I quickly excused myself, James kept my new catch company to my utter dismay. That guy is capable of anything. I was praying he doesn’t lie to her that he was the one paying for the drinks or order another one. I approached my girl, she was really looking sweet.

“So who delayed you today?, were you counting beans for your mother ” i asked her.

She hugged me and smiled

“sorry boo, i was waiting for my friend who said she was bringing another friend of hers” she said smiling

My face froze. I looked at her with a deep frown on my face

“Did you say her friend?”

“Yea baby, whats wrong with your face?

“Abeg stop all this baby thing, anytime you want to misbehave, you start looking for who to call baby”

“Babe chill naa, you know i won’t let you bear the pains alone”

“Abi, lets go before this Stupid James buys drinks for everybody here with my money”.

We walked up to James and our new friend and i wasn’t disappointed. James was on his 4th bottle of Heineken and Sandra was taking her 3rd bottle of smirnoff.

“Hey, our girl is here” James half screamed, he was obviously getting drunk.

They exchanged pleasantries.

“So sandra meet my guy’s most beautiful girl, Chinaza, and chinaza meet my new friend, Sandra” James introduction was totally inspired by alcohol. Chinaza ignored him, looked at sandra and smiled.

“So Ada i was waiting for you in the house and you ran here before me enjoying yourself naa” Chinaza said grabbing a seat.

I just stood stupefied. James was just looking at me with his mouth open.
I sat down. Looked at Sandra who was now smiling and turned to my girl.
“So this is the friend you were waiting for? I asked her.

She laughed and Said yes. I was really confused and heartbroken. Now James was going to enjoy the girl i bought drinks for.

I became confused on whether to freak out on the new drinks James ordered or to be happy Chinaza lied about her friend bringing another friend. Well shaa, i just bought more drinks.

We did have fun. That is, drunk people’s fun. After about 2 to 3 bottles, i was motivated to buy more drinks and well peppered chicken wings. Men that Sandra girl is qualified to be called a village drunkard.

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As we were talking and enjoying ourselves, Sandra’s phone rang.

Sandra: Hello babe, just walk in, you will see us.
She cut the call and said that’s her friend coming in. Apparently Chinaza didn’t lie, Her friend was bringing another friend.

I was financially drained that day, spent so much that my Girl was the one that paid for our transport home that day. Even James too felt the heat.

But the after party was just like an after party. Fun was the name. I don’t need to tell you what a drunk girl can do. Chinaza was just a sweetheart. Their friend was Hot personified. Her name was Juliet.

While my baby was fixing us dinner in the kitchen, i was busy playing Romeo with Juliet. We were all drunk, my girl didn’t mind.
Chinaza was drunk but not too drunk to share me with anybody.

She slept between me and Juliet. We went to bed by 2 am in the morning. Something happened on the bed between me, chinaza and Juliet. I can’t remember but maybe Juliet knows.

Don’t bother asking Chinaza or You will be getting a story from me about our divorce.

And did i say she didn’t share me that night, lol.
Am only BROKE not a CELIBATE.

School has just gone on vacation for the second semester. But I wasn’t in any hurry to go home. I had earlier been informed by my junior sister that my father had earlier declared to be an agent of change and had decided to diversify our family’s economy. He recently bought a large portion of land and had gone into farming. The last time he went into this venture, we, his children were his laborers, we did most of the farm activities, the only difference was that we weren’t paid and we ended up harvesting near to nothing.

So this time around, i decided i wasn’t going to be a party to such furtile, strenuous and unproductive affair. I decided to stay back at school while everyone was going home for the holidays.

James my Friend, was from a part of Ebonyi state that were predominantly farmers. His father also practiced this business but on a larger scale. He too decided to stay back for sometime before going home to assist his family.

Life wasn’t much easy and we were running short on money and food. We soon resorted to fasting from 6 am to 12pm. Then we smoke over soaked garri in the afternoon. By 5pm we cook 2 packets of indomie and for the night we just played games on my Playstation console before we sleep. I usually trashed James every night and that reduced my hunger atimes and increased his..

Then our break came. On a Saturday like this, James’ 27 games coupon all clicked green. That was a total of 153,725 naira. I made sure i had the exact amount off hand just in case James tried to play his usual fast games on me. Our once quiet lodge became noise once again. Just the two of us made the noise of 6 people. Afterall, our suffering had ended at that point. The next Sunday morning, we were the first at Church service and unlike before, we occupied the front row to resist the urge of ogling at cute choir girls. We needed no temptation to deter us from thanking God for his immerse blessing on us. We even gave 200 naira offering each unlike before that we would just stand at the back row and be clapping and dancing more than those who were going for their offerings.

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“So guy wey my eye wey see naa ” i asked him as we prepared to enter town that Sunday afternoon.

” Eye wey see kwa? U follow me book game abi na your papa give me money wey i take book am” he said while dressing his shoe lace.

“Guy na from your hand i sabi say Ebonyi people dy stingy o, so you wan tell me say you no fit give me even if na that last 5 naira wey dy the 153,725k ”

“Nawa o, this man wetin be your own, no be outing i dy carry you go like this, i tire for you o” he said and stood up to adjust his trouser.

“You don get small money nah, you don tire for me” i said. He smiled and sat besides me, hung his hand on my shoulder

“Baba, why you go dy talk like this naa, you know you be my nigga, how you go dy complain like my babe naa, okay, i go give you 2k”

“2k only, guy give me 5k, at least my pocket gats to be heavy as we dy comot like this”

“you get small big eye o, u forget say we go dy chop for this house and we no get foodstuffs ”

“Oya naa, bring the 2k, at all at all na im bad pass” i said stretching out my palm

“I don collect am for that 2k wey you owe me after that your Secondary school girl visit ” he ran outside laughing while i flung my shoe after him.

We got to our destination 3 minutes later.. It was a hotel. Not so big but it had what we needed. We secured a seat and started looking to be attended to. We often prefer waitresses to waiters.

Which guy wouldn’t. We ordered 2 bottles of Heineken each along with two plates of steaming chicken peppersoup. We were done with it in like 15 minutes. Apart from being hungry, we just didn’t come there to get drunk, we also needed to look around.

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